Self-deception or optimism? Begin to distinguish!

And self-deception? After all, often, in order to believe in something, to see the light at the end of the tunnel, one has to convince oneself, it can even unconsciously substitute one for the other, inspire in oneself what is not there in reality.

I have one friend who always sees, hears and feels only what she wants, while she is madly afraid of everything that can hurt, she does not take any decisive steps, afraid of falling and has been sitting in her office for 10 years now and shifts the pieces of paper, comes home at 6.20 pm, prepares dinner for the eternally drunk husband, erases, cleans and goes to bed. And so every day. I'm lying. Sometimes she talks to me on the phone and calls mom.

Without knowing this person, I could say that "Well, such a nature, it suits her, therefore, and lives ...". But to say so about her ... just can not. And she claims to be an optimist. But just in her case, it is rather self-deception. Precisely, self-deception ... After all, telling me that she is doing well, she is not lying. In fact, outwardly, everything is normal, like everyone else, quiet measured life.

But I left the topic. What is the difference between optimism and self-deception? Deception eats us, constantly exaggerating, tinting the stories of their lives, we, in fact, stop life itself. And this is no longer we live every day, but the one, someone else, invented ... who is doing well. Optimism is the same active step on the “light” path, on the path that we want to go.

In order not to confuse these two concepts, it is necessary to find out why we are deceiving ourselves. There can be a huge number of reasons, but there are at least two main ones.

First. We are afraid to change. Agree, few people can 100% appreciate yourself and your life. After all, to see what you want is like a balm for the soul. I will give a banal example: “I can't get into my favorite jeans. Apparently, they are hooked. Yes exactly. Namely, it is 3 sizes after the first wash ... I have a normal figure ". Of course, jeans can sit down, but it's much easier and more pleasant to blame everything on them, because jeans won't tell you: "Honey, it's time to stop eating sandwiches at night," and it’s much harder to force yourself to go after your diet or go to the gym. Or with the one of my friend, about which I spoke earlier. It is easier for her to say that her work is normal, without a lot of hassle, you will think, there is nothing to do or put in her, than to make a decision to quit and find a place where she will be respected. About her husband, I really keep quiet. “He drinks because he gets tired at work. He is so good, he is doing everything to make me happy! ” Only happiness is not.

The second The reason why we cheat ourselves is to increase our self-esteem.
But no matter how sad it may sound, a fairy tale is good when it complements life and does not replace it. It is like slapping a hole in a blouse and decorating with shiny butterflies. It seems to be all beautiful, but the reality is full of holes ... or make up your nails over old varnish.

Of course, if you wish, you can change everything. And buy a new blouse, and make up your nails as it should. And it will be an optimist decision. And the main thing is to understand that it is not good to deceive not only others, but also yourself.

Watch the video: The balance between optimism & delusion - Helen Macdonald at TEDxMelbourne (December 2019).

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